Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Just a Thought ... About Odd Thoughts ... And Cats

Okay. So I'm cleaning out the cat's litter box. Not my favorite chore. But now with our houseguest-cat in residence, the box is filling faster than usual.

Now, I know what you're thinking and you're right. I should have been keeping my mind on the difficult, important job at hand. But for some reason, I found my mind wandering. (Which happens more frequently as I've inched toward my golden years.)

Does this ever happen to you? You're hard at work at the task at hand and all of a sudden your thoughts are off in the stratosphere somewhere.

Back to me. And the cats. And the stinky, overloaded litter box.

I get to thinking about 2 kittens I had. Back in 1981. And the guilt I still carry with me. I was pregnant with my second child. We had 2 fun, affectionate loving little kittens. Brothers. Chico and Harpo. Unfortunately, they exhibited signs of playful aggressiveness around my 3 year old son. They liked to get in his bed at night. Sometimes in the morning, we'd find scratches on his face. We knew it was the kittens. And we were worried. A bit afraid that the cats would behave the same way toward our new baby.

When I talked to friends and family, everyone regaled us with horror stories of what the cats could possibly do to our baby while he slept in his crib. Or that they may possibly attack his face because they'd smell the milk on his lips.

I became terrified. Hubby and I told ourselves that we must heed all the warnings and get rid of the cats right away. Be good parents. We convinced ourselves it was the right thing to do.

So, a few weeks before the birth of our second child, we abandoned our kittens. Those 2 beautiful tabby fur-babies. Without so much as a trial. We didn't even give them a chance. We just let ourselves get swept up in the paranoia of others and let their opinion guide our choice. This just wasn't me. I'm a savior of the tossed aside pet. The rescuer of the homeless cats and dogs of the world. I grew up in a household where we never turned away any animal that found its way to our doorstep.

To this day, I harbor guilt. The memory haunts me often though I never thought that I'd still feel so awful about a decision made more than 30 years ago. I think of those poor kittens wandering, lost and lonely and wondering why the owners they thought loved them had turned their backs on them. I just don't know what to do to ease my troubled mind over an incident that happened more than 3 decades ago. I thought time would help but as you can see from reading this post...that was only wishful thinking.

It amazes me that I can remember that time of my life like it was yesterday, but I can't remember what I had for dinner just 2 nights ago.

And amazed still that the memory would just pop up out of nowhere at any time any place, even while cleaning out a yucky old litter box.

How about you? Have you had this happen? A random odd memory springs to mind at the most inopportune or odd time?

So strange how the human brain works. But then again, at my age, I'm just grateful it does!


  1. I can relate. May be a sense of overwhelm..thankfully my brain just works when I needs to...lol Damon

    1. thank goodness it works, damon! and you're right, it may be just brain overload. It is amazing to think about how our little brains can cram all the million bits of info into our little heads. AND keep it all organized and readily accessible when we need it.

  2. Wait, what did I just read, oh yeah, certainly happens all the time, if only we could erase those types of memories that haunt us, but maybe they are there to teach us and make us better people...

    1. You, my friend, are a very smart woman. That was a perspective I hadn't thought of. Thank you, oh wise one!

  3. Apologize if this duplicates but I tried to comment earlier, saying that what's good about aging and the memory thing is you sometimes forget those awful memories...a mixed blessing. But I like what ReBecca said--and just by posting this you have done a service, so maybe those memories do serve a purpose. Blessings to you!

    1. Oh how I could pick and choose which memories I could permanently forget. But, you are right. The memories are probably there for me to learn from, to serve a purpose. So instead of dreading them, I should ruminate on them and let them be my guide.
      Thanks for stopping by Carol!


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