Help! I've Fallen, And I Can't Get Up!

Not sure how or when it happened, but somewhere along the way (i.e. within the last 2 years, I think), I gave up caring how I look. Clothes, hair, nails, makeup, exercise... meh. It used to mean so much to me. I took lots of pride, not to mention time, in taking care of me. Now? Not so much. Argh and ugh.

 

It's not that I don't know fashion...how to zhuszh up an outfit. I studied fashion and design years ago and have been a haute couture admirer from afar ever since. Oh, and I'm a lifetime devotee to all things What Not To Wear and Project Runway. Never missed an episode. I bow to the alter of Stacy and Clinton and dreamed that someone would nominate me. But my sweetheart of a husband said it would never happen; I was too classy of a dresser, too pulled together. (His words, not mine.)

It's not that I don't know what to do to lose weight. I've been on and/or tried every diet and weight loss system known to man. Weight Watchers? Yeah, three-time member. Jenny Craig? She was my best friend for a year. Slim-Fast? Diet Pills (rx and otc)? Yup and yup.

 

Oh, and lets not forget all those gym memberships and boxes of fitness DVD's and VCR tapes. Tony Little? Denise Austin? Jane Fonda? Got 'em. And tried them all.

 

As for my hair, oh yeah, I'm one of those who never misses her regular every 4 weeks appointment with the same hairdresser I've had for over 20 years. Have you heard about that recent study that says on average women will spend over $40,000.00 on their hair in their lifetime? That's me. Hands down.

 

Makeup? I've never worn tons of it - not my style. But what I do have in my cosmetic bag is high quality. Not going to find this girl wearing junk and paying for it with breakouts and allergic reactions. (Weeeell, there was that one time, just recently, when I went overboard with some new products...but that's for another story.)

 

Anyway, yes, I have always been the type of person who puts herself together before ever going out the door. You would definitely NEVER find me on the "People of Walmart" website. No going out in pj's and/or dumpy outfits for me, even if I was just running errands.  You would also never find me without makeup outside my home. Not gonna happen, no way, no how.

 

I always prided myself on picking just the right outfit for any occasion. Paired with the appropriate shoes. The ideal purse. And to complete the look, the perfect accessories - jewelry - scarf - belt.

 

Before you get the wrong idea, let me stop right here. None of this has anything to do with snobbery or puffery. Or designer brands and all the latest trends. I wasn't trying to be some glammed up, high falutin fashionista. It all came down to one thing: pride. Pride in myself. Tho I never had much money, I was going to prove to everyone that you didn't need to be rich to look great. I became a master of finding a clearance rack bargain, and cruising the thrift store and consignment store aisles for lost treasure. But even more than that, I wanted to present an acceptable impression for my family. Didn't want my husband or children to ever be ashamed of me and how I looked. I wanted them to be proud of me. Proud to say "that's my wife", "that's my mom".

 

But now? I just don't know. I don't know where that sense of pride went. Why I don't seem to care anymore. I can't bring myself to go to the gym or diet. I'd rather throw on some old sweat pants and wear the biggest shirts in my wardrobe. Dumpy meets frumpy. High heels? They've been relegated to the back of the closet. Scarves? Haven't worn one in months. Purses? I'm stuck on one big tote and the others are packed away. And tho I still make it to my monthly hair appointments, I rarely fix it up in between visits. Most of the time its pulled back in a ponytail.

 

Yeah...a rut. I'm stuck. I care - but I don't. Even the thought of trying to pull myself out of my self-imposed depression tires me out.

 

Ever get in a rut like this? How do you get out?