Until We Meet Again - Those We Lost in 2012

♪♫ "Oh, i could hide 'neath the wings of the bluebird as she sings...." ♫♪

Ah, those eyes! That smile! Images of a teen heartthrob that will always stay with me.

♪♫ "...And for once in my life I'm alone,

and I've got to let her know just in time before I go."  ♫♪

That voice! That sweet grin! I can still remember the words to those iconic songs even in my sleep.

Gone too soon. All of them. I  believe they all still had so much more to contribute to this world. But for some unknown reason, God chose to take them home. I have to satisfy myself with feeling blessed that I had them in my life as long as I did and that their legacy lives on in the lyrics, the recordings, the films, the tapes, the stories, the sports and news archives.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my list:

10 Iconic Individuals We Lost In 2012

10.   Whitney Houston

9.     Johnny Pesky

8.     Andy Griffith

7.     Jack Klugman

6.     Phyllis Diller

5.     Neil Armstrong

4.     Davy Jones

3.     Kitty Wells

2.     Dick Clark

1.     Robin Gibb

Honorable Mention: Sally Ride

Did you lose someone special in 2012? Was there a notable individual who impacted your life who passed away?

Photo Credit - Angelofsweetbitter2009 (Flickr)

TOP 10 SONGS OF 2012 - IMO

Like everyone else around the world (i.e. those who use the internationally accepted Gregorian calendar), it's time to look back at 2012 and get all misty eyed as we take a stroll down memory lane and reminisce of what was. Get the tissues out.

We're about to be inundated with the media's and everybody else's top 10, 12, 47, whatever lists. There's going to be lists like:

** Top 10 Celebrity Breakups (or makeups, divorces, stork visits, etc.) **

** Top 10 Headlines ("Mayans: World To End!" "US Falls Off Cliff! "iPhone 100...Geeks Rejoice!") **

** Top 10 Baby Names (If its in a movie, it's on a million birth certificates...can you say "Bella"?) **

I think you get my drift. So ok. I don't want to be left behind. I'll jump on this bandwagon. How's this?

TOP 10 SONGS OF 2012 - (in my opinion)

10.  Back in Time - Pitbull

9.    Brokenhearted - Karmin

8.    Legendary Child - Aerosmith

7.    Keep Your Eyes Open - Need to Breathe

6.    Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5

5.    Back to the Start - Anthony Gomes

4.    Sweetest Sin - Saints of Valory

3.    Pontoon - Little Big Town

2.    Everybody Knows She's Mine - Blackberry Smoke

1.    Already Yours - Amy Gerhartz

    ME -><- AMY

Mind you, this is not a scientific analysis or based on the Billboard charts. These are just the songs that I found myself humming along to a LOT during the past year.

And there you have it. My first stab at joining the masses.

How about you? Got a top 10 list for 2012? C'mon give it a try. Movies? Trends? Sports moments? What ya got?

Quiz of the Day: Job or Career or Both?

If it's Friday, it must be payday!

Is that you? Does your job consist of 40 hours and a paycheck? Or do you think of the time you spend devoted to employment as a step in your career and your wages as a welcome benefit? Does it have anything to do with loving what you do?

In other words, do you have a JOB or a CAREER? Is there a difference?

Photo Credit - o5com (Flickr)

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

All Good Things Must Come to an End - And That Includes Vacation

I'm home. Back in my own old lumpy but comfy familiar bed. Surrounded by my forgiving dogs and kitty. They've gotten over their irritation with us for being gone so long. We're all back to normal, whatever that may be.

In a previous post I mentioned how our vaca was in 2 parts: first we visited oldest son in the Orlando area and then we visited youngest son and his family in the FL panhandle. We were relieved to see that the grandchildren were very happy to see us! Of course, not unexpectedly, the first words out of their mouths was something along the lines of "What you got for us in your luggage?" After all, our 4 year old grandson thinks hubby is "Papa Claus".

What Works?

On the flip side from my last post, I read another quote recently: "Nothing will work unless you do." - Maya Angelou.

That I believe. Do you?

I whole heartedly believe in working hard to achieve a goal. Sure, it'd be great if it all came easily. Lord knows, I've prayed for easy solutions and outcomes. Because let's face it, work is hard!

We all know people who want to take the easy road. If they have to work at something, they'll do their best to find the easy work-around. Maybe they're lazy? Maybe that's what they learned growing up so it's the only way they know? Maybe the easy way worked once and they're waiting for lightening to strike again?

Let me share a story: I have a good friend who likes to enter sweepstakes. She's been pretty successful and often shares her good fortune with family and friends. Many call her "lucky". Some have been jealous. But she'd be the first person to tell you how hard she works. She doesn't depend on luck. She invests a lot of time, effort, and, yes, WORK into her hobby. And it pays off. As I believe it should. She's not firing off an entry blank here and there. She's at it day and night. Follows the rules to the letter and supports the sponsors. But her critics still claim she's "lucky". They pout and say they never win. Well, as she often replies, "You can't win if you don't enter." Which to me means, how do you expect to get anything if you don't put any effort into it?

I truly believe if you put your heart and soul into something, then you'll reap the fruits of your labor. Sometimes you might not get exactly what you want or what you hoped for but you may get what you need (see "You Can't Always Get What You Want" - Jagger/Richard).

For me, the satisfying feeling of accomplishment is multiplied ten-fold when I've succeeded at something I tried really hard for. So yes, not much will work for me unless I do. It's up to me. Make it work!

Confucius Says - I'm Confused!!

Did you ever hear the saying by Confucius: "Choose a job you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life."

I've heard it many times but not sure if it's entirely accurate. What do you think?

I mean I get it. It's supposed to mean if your occupation includes doing something you're passionate about, you won't think of it as work (that dirty little 4-letter word).
I'm not so sure about that. For even if you're passionate about something, and absolutely LOVE what you do that earns you a paycheck, there are bound to be days when you have to toil and labor to get the job done.

Let's take nursing. Most nurses I know chose the profession because they love being the caregiver. They truly want to help people. But I'm sure there are days when it's not so rosey. When its more about charts, protocol, paperwork, training, etc. than actually tending to a patient. And that's when it crosses over from being a passion to being a job. It becomes "work".

I haven't found (i.e. chosen) a job I love yet. Probably because I don't know where it is or what it is. At this point, in this economy, I don't think I have the luxury of waiting around until it finds me or trying on different jobs until I find the one I love.

So tell me: are you in a job you love? If not, do you know what it is you'd love to be doing? And if you were in that job, would you consider it work?

My Backyard - Waterfire; Providence, RI

Friday night. Date night with hubby. Nice to be out, just enjoying ourselves and not worrying or agonizing over our unemployment situation. The road of romance led to Providence. The downtown Providence Place Mall to be exact. We arrived thankfully before the evening onslaught of holiday shoppers.

First stop: Macy's. Always reliable store to purchase gifts for the family party yankee swap this weekend. Hubby and I found 2 perfect gifts in our price point and moved on. Next up: Bed Bath and Beyond. We've gone back and forth about trading in our old dependable Tassimo for the popular Keurig coffee maker. (I've been inconsolable ever since Starbucks jumped ship and joined forces with the K-cup.) We hemmed and hawed and finally gave in. Luckily, I had some of those pretty blue 20% off coupons and handed them to the cashier to save some $. Our Christmas gift to each other this year was now in hand.

My Backyard - Louisa May Alcott; Orchard House, Concord, MA

Bookworm. That was me. And still is me. Growing up, books were my friends - my escape. I loved to read. Authors were like demi-gods to me. They wove their magic in and out of the pages of my favorite books. And none were more magical than Louisa May Alcott. Like many young girls, my introduction to Louisa was via "Little Women". After that, I grabbed hold of anything written by her. I couldn't get enough. In time, I began to have delusions of becoming a great writer just like her.

After recently becoming unemployed, I leaned on the comfort of books. I ran to my local library to be among their soothing presence. As I slowly strolled the aisles, lovingly caressing book binders with  my fingertips, a familiar book suddenly caught my eye - "Little Women". All the old feelings, my love of this novel came flooding back. I felt compelled to search out Louisa's biography. To learn more. I wanted to read about her using my now old and tired eyes. What made her tick. How did she come to pen her interesting and riveting writings.

An idea slowly formed. Maybe I should go visit Orchard House. The home depicted in "Little Women". Where she had written many articles. Where her family lived. I couldn't understand why I had never been there, especially when I learned her home was only 45 minutes from my own.

Requiem for the Angels of Newtown, CT

Newtown, CT. December 14, 2012.

I heard the news today. It shattered the quiet. My heart is heavy. It aches. It weeps for the loss of innocent beautiful lives. Children. Educators. As a mom and grandmother, I am in shock and beyond horrified by what happened. I can not comprehend the senselessness. Hug your little ones and loved ones today. Hold them tight. Tell them you love them. How much they mean to you. Never take them or their love for granted.

Photo Credit - Anslatadams (Flickr)

FLY 

Sung by Celine Dion

Written by Phil Galdston and Jean-Jacques Goldman

 

Fly, fly little wing, Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove, Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars, Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain, And fly again

Fly, fly precious one, Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness, Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore, There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet, til we meet

Fly, fly do not fear, Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free, Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb, On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set, But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light
 

As Roger Daltrey sang....."Whooo Are You"....

♪♪♪...Whoooo are you....who who...who who...Tell me whooo are you...♫♫♫

Photo Credit - Hang_In_There (Flickr)

Do your coworkers know the real you? Are you afraid to let them see your true self? Or are you such a confident secure person that you let it all hang out? Maybe you think your're doing a good job of presenting a certain face but you've learned your coworkers are not fooled at all?

Revealing question? You bet!

Florence Nightingale I Can Not Be

So I posted yesterday about my ultimate fantasy job. And that begged the question: What kind of job would I NOT want to ever do?

The first occupation that comes to mind is anything in the medical field. I think dealing with patients day in/out would be way too difficult for me. It has nothing to do with blood and/or guts, needles, scalpels, etc. I'm not particularly squeamish about all that.

Photo Credit - Alex E. Proimos (Flickr)

It's just that I don't think I'm emotionally tough enough to deal with the pain and agony. The life and death. How could I keep my feelings at bay and be all business like when nursing an injured child or critically injured baby? My maternal instinct would surely kick in and I'd be wanting to take that little one in my arms and hold them, rock them, and try to kiss the hurt away. I just don't understand how nurses and doctors do it day in and day out - how do they hold in their emotions? Not become overwhelmed or unaffected by the human suffering all around them? Not break down when they realize that all of their medical technology and knowledge won't be enough?

No, the medical field is not for me.

How about you? What job would be too hard for you? Emotionally? Physically?

Found My Dream Job on Southwest Airlines! (sort of)

Are you blessed to be able to work in your dream job? Is it everything you've wanted? Hoped for? If so, then consider yourself very VERY lucky. I'm not thinking it's the norm.

If your job is more nightmare than fantasy, do you ever stop and think about what you would rather be doing? If you could wish upon a star for the ultimate job, what would it be? Who would you be?

Me? Depending on the day of the week, where I'm sitting, who I'm talking to, my mood, the weather, etc...I could come up with lots of ideas.

I've often pictured myself as someone who works in an archive - a curator - keeper of the artifacts. Maybe at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. Or the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville. Ah! I would so love to be able to just be in close proximity of all that glorious history!!

But recently on a return trip from visiting my kids and grandkids in Florida, I read an article in the Southwest Airlines magazine, Spirit, about a guy named Tristan and his really really amazing job. And I want it!! (the job, not the guy....I AM a married woman, after all....)

Job Title:  Margarilla

Employer:  Margaritaville/Jimmy Buffet

Photo Credit - Jonf728 (Flickr)

Tristan can be found working the tours of that ultimate beach musician...the messiah of parrotheads everywhere...Jimmy Buffet. He also co-manages the Margaritaville brand's marketing. What? How did he get such an uber fantastic job?

How cool is that? It's like the perfect occupation for me. I qualify on many levels. Let's count the ways:

√  Margarita     (my fav cocktail, natch!)
√  Music           (duh! no question I'm a HUGE music fan not to mention a lover of
                          songs about oceans, paradise and juicy fruit!)
√  Travel          (only my number one hobby!)

Now THAT'S what I call a fantasy gig! If you read my previous post on relaxing, then you know how much I adore a good margarita. Nothing like a tall, icy glass of liquid sunshiny goodness...bring on those limes! (but hold the salt!)

Now how do I find a job like that? Wait a minute, can something like that even be called a job? It's from another latitude...with a totally different attitude than anything I've ever experienced before. 

 

Sigh...I know, I know. Fat chance. But hey, I can dream, right? So - back to the sky gazing...now where the heck is that shooting star? And can ya hand me that cheeseburger... thanks.

What's There To Like About a Job?

Do you like your job? Did you like your last job?
For me, it's not a simple answer. It's a "No, but...." or a "Yes, but..." or a "Sort of" or a "It depends"......
Not easy to answer.
I was at my last job for over 11 years. I wasn't entirely happy with every aspect of it when I began. What made it enjoyable and kept me plugging away day after long day was my boss. She was super. The best. Whatever she asked of me, I'd gladly do it. She was always respectful and told me how much she valued me quite frequently. I couldn't have asked for a better boss and I doubt if a better one exists.
However, a sad day came 9 years into the job when she was part of a big lay off at the company. One minute we were chatting in the ladies room and about to sit down for our weekly meeting, the next I'm told she's gone. Poof! Just like that my job changed. For a while, I didn't have a boss. I was lost. I was a department of one. Eventually, I was assigned to another woman and that's when my job took a nose dive. The new supervisor seemed nice enough. But there was never the connection I had with my previous boss. The work load doubled. The hours and days grew longer. I became stressed. And worn out. Burnt out, was more like it.
Part of the reason for the burn out was the nature of the job. It started where I worked for many attorneys in the department and worked on everything from real estate to patient privacy. But eventually I only worked on the privacy issues which basically involved customer complaints. Thousands of complaints. And each one had to be investigated and addressed. Most of them ended up as baseless.
So if you asked me if I liked my last job, i would have mixed feelings about it. The beginning of my tenure was always different. Kept things interesting. I felt like I was a respected and important cog in the wheel. I was needed. I was doing vital work. The end....not so much. It was tiring, stressful, and most of the time....thankless. There was no one handing out "attaboys". No platitudes of gratitude. I didn't feel appreciated or valued. And then they showed me the door.....
It was certainly a sad way to end what had been a really good job at a really good employer.

How Do I Relax? Let Me Count The Ways.....

Like I mentioned in a previous post, I'm a hard worker. It's always been tough to leave work at work and go home and just relax. But I did find a few things that helped me to unwind and I'd like to share them with you:

1.  Mix margarita
2.  Drink margarita
3.  Repeat

Yes, I'll admit...I lean on the alcohol a bit....as needed.....just sayin'.....

But there are other things in my relaxation arsenal:

1.  Take off the 3-piece suit and put on my old sweats.
2.  Get down on the floor and play with my three dogs and kitty
3.  Chat with friends on social media
4.  Run on my treadmill while watching the Ellen DeGeneres show
5.  Stretching and yoga
6.  Turning on my iPod and listening to some of my fav music (with glass in hand-see above list)

And then there are those really stressful workdays where I just want to go home to silence. Total quiet. No tv. No iPod. No exercise. No noise at all. I head to my woman-cave, light some incense, dim the lights, sit cross legged on the floor and close my eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Ommmmmmmmmmm.......

She Works Hard For The Money.....

I grew up in a family that didn't usually have 2 nickles to rub together. Times could be tough. But the one thing I knew is that my dad worked very hard to give the family what we needed. He owned his own landscaping business. The hours and days were long. And he only took Sundays off. That was church day; he never missed the Sabbath. When the weather turned cold, the landscaping business took a hiatus. My father would then take odd jobs. Plow snow. And work in the local factories.

My older brothers would help him with the landscaping after school, on weekends and on vacations from school. Even us girls would help out as much as our skinny little bodies could. So I got to witness first hand how hard my dad worked. It was very labor extensive. Hard work, for little money. I watched as he struggled through nursing a cold or an injury. He worked without complaint. But I knew he had great satisfaction out of being his own boss. Owning his own business. Being an honest business man. And supporting his family.

Flash forward to my work experience. I started working when my youngest turned 3. And I've worked hard ever since. I think the work ethic was ingrained in me from my dad. When I work, I'm going to give 100% to whatever task I'm assigned. And whether I'm feeling under the weather or dealing with a health crisis, I would not let anything deter me from my job.

My last job was supposed to be 9-5. Not so. It became round-the-clock, 7 days a week. I was given a laptop and a blackberry so I could work anytime, anywhere. That was a dangerous thing to do for someone like me. With technology like that in hand, there's no way a work-a-holic like me would not be idle. The workload had become intense. The mountain of work kept getting higher. So work-a-holic me took the work home and convinced myself that by working at night and weekends at home, I could somehow catch up. Ha! Wasn't going to happen. But no one could convince me of that. So I kept plodding along.

I was scared that the boss would think I was slacking if I couldn't show her that I was making every effort to do the work. I had visions that she would call me on the carpet and grill me about why the work was piling up. And she would crack the whip and tell me to put my nose closer to the grindstone and gitterdone!

My health problems kept rising, I still pushed forward. I did not complain. I did not take a sick day. I could work from home if I couldn't physically make it into the office.

In the end, it wasn't enough. I was shown the door. My committment to the job was not enough to keep me from getting laid off.

But you know what? I'm not going to change. I believe in hard work. I believe in giving 100% no matter what I'm doing. And I really try not to complain. I just do it. I can't change. I'm my father's little girl.

Vacation....all I ever wanted...Vacation...got to get away!

Sunny. Warm. Fun. Relaxing. Ahhhh, vacation! With all that's happened in our lives lately, hubby and I sure needed this. Even if only for a little while. We've gotten away from the stress and uncertainty back home. Time to enjoy ourselves. Recharge. Regroup.

We've already spent a few days with the oldest son. He's a hardworking guy who also recently lost a good job and is barely making ends meet now in a low wage menial one. We figured he needed a change of pace too, so we booked a room in a really nice hotel where we lived large for a few days. Swam in the pool. Relaxed in the hot tub. Sat by the pool one night at the outdoor movie theater.

The high point was spending a day at Universal Studios theme park. It's been about 20 years since we'd been there. Our son was just a boy at the time. While we walked the park grounds we reminisced and marveled at how much it had changed. We took our time. There was no hurry. We just wanted to enjoy each other's company and soak up the entertainment. Even though I probably shouldn't have (due to my back condition), I jumped at the chance to ride everything, especially the roller coasters. I LOVE them! It had been too long.

Sadly, our time with the oldest came to an end and we had to be moving on. Hugs. Kisses. And promises to see each other soon.

We drove 6 hours north to the home of our youngest son. He's in the air force. Lives with his wife and 3 children in a beautiful area on the coast. The kids were outside when we pulled up and ran into our arms. There's nothing like the love and affection from little ones to fill your heart with happiness. So far we've just enjoyed spending time together. We've strolled to the local playground, walked our oldest grandchild to and from his school bus stop, watched Christmas movies, sang carols, decorated the Christmas tree and did some Christmas shopping. We plan on having our own Christmas in a few days. A little early. But somehow I don't think the grandkids will mind the holiday coming early this year!

We've made plans to go to the beach. The zoo. And just drive the streets at night oohing and ahhing at the houses and palm trees adorned with festive lights.

Got a few more days here and will fill them with lots of fun and memories.

Work Work Work - BlogHer Challenge

So you've probably read a few of my recent posts and may have wondered...."what the heck is she talking about?.....why is she going on about what she's so good at...and who cares if she thinks she's a follower...and how come she's suddenly thinking she wants to be a teacher???" What's going on?

 

Here's the scoop. I recently accepted a challenge from the BlogHer website. NaBloPoMo (i.e. "NAtional BLOg POst MOnth") for December. Writing a post a day. December's theme? Work.

 

This should be enlightening. Interesting. There's sooo much that can be written about work. Just that four-letter word can mean so many different things to so many different people. A career. A job. Homework. Housework. Stay at home parent. Adult caregiver.

 

Feel free to join the conversation. Leave a comment. A response. I'd love to get your feedback and thoughts on "work". What does it mean to you?

Teacher! Teacher!!!

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a teacher. I used to play school with my sisters. And my dolls. They were the students. I was always the teacher.

Photo Credit - Cogdogblog Alan Levine (Flicker)

My dad must have gotten an odd job cleaning a school because one day a few old wooden desks appeared in the back yard You know the ones where the chairs are attached? With an inkwell hole in the upper corner? I lined them up, sat my sisters and dolls in the chairs and started their daily lesson.

My husband says I still act the same way (except I don't try to teach my dolls anything these days). And that I missed my calling. I should have been either an English or history teacher. I just can't help it. I have this compulsion to always impart my wisdom and knowledge on him and anyone else who unknowingly and mistakenly gives me their undivided attention. Sorry! Can't help myself!

And don't think my need to teach is limited to academia. Oh no. It doesn't stop there. I'm also a driver's ed teacher extraordinaire! I've taught many people how to drive: my kids, one of my sisters, a niece and nephew. And they all passed their road test with flying colors, thank you very much!

I just love teaching. Showing others what I've learned. I almost feel like its my duty to share what I know because I want everyone to be "in the know".

Oh dear. Maybe I should re-think my career reinvention. Perhaps I should look into teaching. But what field? What level? Argh!!!

Why do I make things so much harder on myself? Teacher! Teacher! I need help!

Where Do I Fit In?

Talking to my career counselor has been an eye opener. I've done some soul searching. And researching. I'm beginning my job hunt with the aim of getting a job where I'll be happy. Comfortable. In other words, a good fit.
Of course, we'd all love to find a job that fits our wish list of "got to haves". And I'm well aware that with this economy and the lack of jobs out there, my chances of finding the "perfect" job that fits all my criteria is probably very slim.
One of the criteria I've been asked is what role do I feel most comfortable in at work. A leader? A follower? Or a collaborator?
I think I can safely eliminate "leader". I've never at all felt comfortable in that role. I'm too shy, and have always suffered from low self esteem. So no way would I want to be thrust into that position at work. Where all eyes would be on me. Ugh! No way! I think the only aspect of leader that is enticing to me is the prospect of recognition, raises and promotions.
A follower? Well, sometimes. It's so much easier to be a follower. With someone else being the leader, there isn't much pressure or stress on the follower. But then again, the follower will probably never be recognized for their work. It's usually the leader who gets all the credit for a job well done. So by being a follower, don't be surprised when you are overlooked time and again when its promotion time or time for a raise. Followers don't get noticed. And they don't get as much respect as the leaders.
And there's collaborator. I think that's me. Though I'm more of a lone wolf at work, I like being part of a team sometimes. When we're all working on a common goal. And everyone is equally responsible for their part of the project. If the members of the group are the right mixture and all on the same page, there's usually an energy that electrifies everyone to continue to pull the project together to a successful conclusion. I like being part of that. And I think I make a very good teammate.
How about you? What role are you the most comfortable in? And why?

Writing - I'm a Pro

I've been working on a resume. Make that a few different resumes. (I'm giving myself a better chance at employment by heading down a few paths hence the need for more than one.)

Part of creating this 8½ x 11 personal billboard is highlighting my skills. What do I do best? Tough question since I'm my own worst critic so it's hard to look at myself and say "Gosh, aren't I great at this?".

So I got in the imaginary "way back" machine and took a long look at all the jobs I've ever had to see what stands out. I thought about what I loved to do at each job. And what my employers told me they thought was something I was very good at.

And there it was.......writing. It stood out loud and clear. And if I go back even further (ahem....back to the stone age period of my youth) i remembered how much I loved my English classes and the "writing" projects and homework. Yah, I know. Such a nerd, right? But I adored words. The dictionary. Adjectives. Prepositions. The thesaurus fascinated me. Sentences. Paragraphs. Grammar. Spelling. Poetry. Essays. Short story. No composition was off limits.

Heavens, I salivate over blank notepads and comfy jumbo grip medium blue ink pens. My hands just start itching to fill the paper with WORDS!

Each job I've had gave me lots of opportunity to write. Draft letters. Briefs. Contracts. Data Requests. Investigative reports.

The opportunity to write was there. But therein lies the problem: I was writing for someone else. Writing for something else. Not for me. Not my thoughts. Not my point of view. I eventually developed writers block and haven't written for pleasure in many years.

But now is my time. I'm taking full advantage of this bump in my career road to finally write for me. What I want. Even if no one reads it. Even if no one likes it. And I've found that the block is lifted. I wake every day ready to fill the page. (Okay, so now its a blog page and not a notebook.) But hey! I'm thrilled!

Not sure how long this phase will last. For all I know, I'll soon be back in the 9-5 grind, pumping out the written word for someone else and the block will return. But I'll try my best to continue to hone my craft as long as I'm able. Because gosh, its something I'm good at. What I'm a pro at. 

Writing.

My Oldest Son

My goal for the month is to post daily. I'm not thinking that will be too hard since I've been enjoying the writing so far since I started this blog.

But now I'm away from home visiting family so my mind and priorities have shifted focus.

I'm lying in my hotel room unable to sleep. It's 4 a.m.

Hubby and number one son are asleep. Wish I could too. I'm a worrier. And right now I'm worried about my son. He's 34. Shouldn't I stop worrying? Does it ever stop?

I try. I do. But what I really want to do is pack up his things and bring him back home with me. Where I can love him. Protect him. And be with him more frequently than just the few times of the year I can visit him here.

I ask him if he's happy. He always says yes. I ask him if everything is ok. He always says yes.

Deep inside, I'm not sure I believe him. Mother's intuition?

Life hasn't been easy for him. Did he move away from home to truly be independent or did I push him away? Is he just saying he's happy and okay out of pride or to keep me from worrying?

Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad mother for not keeping him closer where I can be there to support him. To help him.

I have 2 more days with him. Then I must leave. I know I'll be a mess for a while. Feeling like I'm abandoning him. Feeling like I'm not quite sure if he's okay or not.

Does the mothering worry ever end?