My goal for the month is to post daily. I'm not thinking that will be too hard since I've been enjoying the writing so far since I started this blog.
But now I'm away from home visiting family so my mind and priorities have shifted focus.
I'm lying in my hotel room unable to sleep. It's 4 a.m.
Hubby and number one son are asleep. Wish I could too. I'm a worrier. And right now I'm worried about my son. He's 34. Shouldn't I stop worrying? Does it ever stop?
I try. I do. But what I really want to do is pack up his things and bring him back home with me. Where I can love him. Protect him. And be with him more frequently than just the few times of the year I can visit him here.
I ask him if he's happy. He always says yes. I ask him if everything is ok. He always says yes.
Deep inside, I'm not sure I believe him. Mother's intuition?
Life hasn't been easy for him. Did he move away from home to truly be independent or did I push him away? Is he just saying he's happy and okay out of pride or to keep me from worrying?
Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad mother for not keeping him closer where I can be there to support him. To help him.
I have 2 more days with him. Then I must leave. I know I'll be a mess for a while. Feeling like I'm abandoning him. Feeling like I'm not quite sure if he's okay or not.
Does the mothering worry ever end?