My goal for the month is to post daily. I'm not thinking that will be too hard since I've been enjoying the writing so far since I started this blog.
But now I'm away from home visiting family so my mind and priorities have shifted focus.
I'm lying in my hotel room unable to sleep. It's 4 a.m.
Hubby and number one son are asleep. Wish I could too. I'm a worrier. And right now I'm worried about my son. He's 34. Shouldn't I stop worrying? Does it ever stop?
I try. I do. But what I really want to do is pack up his things and bring him back home with me. Where I can love him. Protect him. And be with him more frequently than just the few times of the year I can visit him here.
I ask him if he's happy. He always says yes. I ask him if everything is ok. He always says yes.
Deep inside, I'm not sure I believe him. Mother's intuition?
Life hasn't been easy for him. Did he move away from home to truly be independent or did I push him away? Is he just saying he's happy and okay out of pride or to keep me from worrying?
Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad mother for not keeping him closer where I can be there to support him. To help him.
I have 2 more days with him. Then I must leave. I know I'll be a mess for a while. Feeling like I'm abandoning him. Feeling like I'm not quite sure if he's okay or not.
Does the mothering worry ever end?
Kathy- I do not think the worrying will ever end. You will always worry and second guess yourself. You have done a wonderful job of raising the boys. Whenever I speak of my nieces and nephews it is always with pride and admiration and I tell everyone how great their parents are and I mean it. I know I do not have experience in this area, but I see how you have been so supportive of them as well as letting them find their way in this world, just like a mother bird lets her babies know it is time to fly and they love you for this...... You have let them fly....
ReplyDeletesince DJ is only 9 i CANNOT imagine him moving away...but i know that it will happen some day, just like i did when i graduated from high school...the stress i must have caused my mother....sometimes we need to TRUST their words (although tough)...maybe he really is ok...
ReplyDeleteHi sis,
ReplyDeleteNancy here. No I cannot give you much advise. Just letting you know you are not alone. I get excited with anticipation thinking of visiting Jeremy. I have such a great visit.
On the drive home I loose it. Then I cry. I mean the tears flow.
We(moms) never stop. Our own mom worries about each of us.
Love, Nancy
thanks for the feedback, Jackie. I want to trust his words, i really do!
ReplyDeletecomforting to know I'm not alone, Nancy. And yes, its times like this I think of Mom and wonder how much she may have hurt and worried each time one of us left home. nice knowing i'm part of a group of caring moms.
Helen: i like your take on this by thinking of a momma bird letting her babies fly. i'll try to keep that in mind next time i start feeling miserable about the boys being so far from home.